Valentines Day. The day to spread some love. The day to show appreciation. The day to share a kind thought, sweet treat, or simply share friendship with others. Valentines Day brings so many critics arguing it’s simply a money maker capitalizing on obligatory traditions of having a relationship, buying chocolates and flowers, going out to dinner, and playing on the consumer’s emotions. I choose to view it in a different way.
The way I view it, Valentine’s Day is an expression of love. And love, as we all know comes in many forms. Love can be the affection between a husband and wife who have developed a life-long commitment to each other, built a family together, and chose to fight through those moments of weakness and struggle, always holding on to the very vows that bound them together in the first place. Love can be that of a mother to her child, the unconditional love that is fierce, and indescribable. Mother’s have the ever-forgiving, thick skin of a strong human who created a human, raised a human, and are just that, human beings. One who learns from her mistakes, who is not perfect, but will always do her best and give her all for her child, regardless of their level of appreciation. There is the love of a sibling. Those who we do not choose, but are chosen for us. The ones who have that familial connection. The saying, “blood is thicker than water” comes to mind every time I think of that sibling love. You don’t have to always like them, but you will always love them is often connected to sibling love.
Then there is the love of a parent to the spouse of their child. This is sometimes a very undervalued relationship. This love is built solely on trust, as those parents are entrusting their son or daughter to be loved by the person they are giving them away to. To love, you must trust, and they have chosen to both love and trust this person with their most precious piece in life, a child. I pray every day that I will have the courage to trust and love the people my daughters choose in the future as my parents and my husbands have done for us.
The next type of love is that of a friend. Friend love is tricky love. It’s the kind that comes in different levels. The first level is a friend who is “friendly.” There is no intimacy, just fellowship, the type that is transferable and applicable to all you are professional with. This level of friendship is not permanent, and is not painful. These are the people who come into your life, you enjoy each others company and eventually exit due to changes in circumstances, changes in jobs, changes in emotional status, etc. These people have a purpose and a value, but it is not a long-term emotional commitment.
The second level of friendship includes the friends who we believe to have a level of intimacy with. Often times, we spend a few years developing these relationships. We think we can trust them, and sometime even share intimate details of our lives with these people, wanting more from them. Many times we have decent relationships with these people But the reality is, we cannot fully trust them, and end up feeling some sort of pain, disappointment or anger towards this relationship at one point or another. These people are good, too good really. A wise old friend once told me about the “Snowman Theory” (patent pending, he would always add.) The largest circle was the group of people who acted like friends. The middle circle was the group of people we think we can trust and rely on. And the smallest circle was the group of people we really could trust. It was his belief you have less than a handful of true friends in your life.
This is not to discourage those friendships and that form of love in the second level of friendship. These people play a valuable role in our lives, they are part of it and we must just learn to appreciate their value and not look for anything more in these people than what they can really offer. Which now leads me to the third and final groups.
The final group of friendship is the true love. These are the people in your life who may have entered in childhood and will always share a special bond with you. These people may go weeks, or even months without seeing you at times, and it doesn’t matter. They know you, they value you, and they understand you. These people are honest with you at all times. They are not artificial, and you never question what they say or do or purposely exclude you from. In many cases, you may not meet these people until later in life. You may also be blessed with these people all throughout your life. These are the people you group text at all times of day, confide your deepest secrets in, seek their wisdom and advice, and send group pictures of your glasses half empty after an incredibly trying day. Yes. These ladies are the friends you love. You know these women will always be in your life, regardless of where life takes you.
In my short 30 years I have felt the love, wrath, and value of all three types. Honestly, in the past year alone I have experienced the most intense versions of each, both good and bad. I have learned so much from each kind and will never forget the “Snowman Theory.”
Recently, you might have noticed an increase in the ever-trending Gal-entine theme. Galentine being the female alternative to having a relationship, feeling the pressures of commitment, and being scrutinized for the possible lack of a love life. If you’ve ever watched the movie, He’s Just Not That In To You the idea of Galentine is one of the major story lines playing through the movie. So today, I choose to celebrate you, my Galentines. My forevers, my lifelongers. You know who you are, whether you entered my life at the age of 8, 25, or 28.
So use today, as a day to celebrate all of the love in your life. It’s there, you just need to remember it comes in so many forms.